Do you ever get that feeling where you don't want to talk to anybody? You don't want to smile and you don't want to fake being happy? But at the same time you don't know exactly what's wrong either. You know? I did. Do you ever love someone that didn't love you? That's just what happen to me. It's hard to know he doesn't feel the same way about me. But you know whats harder? It's to watch him love SOMEONE ELSE! I ever think that he loves me, but it's just the STUPIDEST MISTAKE that i ever made in my life. I don't know for sure what just happened. But i know, my story ends before it even starts.
== FLASH BACK ==
He was my classmate in junior high school, eighthgrade. I wasn't love at the first sight, Because i'm in love with him after i became his friend. I don't any reason why i liked him. Every single moment with him, i still remember that. Everything. I remember how close we are dan when we stared move away. Maybe it's because he already know about how feel although i didn't say it directly. And in that time, he had a 'new friend'. Time goes on, i lost my chance again. We moved to ninth grade.
But i still think of him, everyday..every second. I'm worried when i didn't saw him in school, when i heard that he sick or something like that. In the crowded place, my eyes always looking for him. But probably, i never even crossed his mind. And at the end, finally we graduated. Seperated.
In the final exam, i tried to told him about how i felt. My friends work damn hard to called him when i didn't even told them to do that. They said, he want to heard that, but when i came, he just went (?) so i crashed!
They told me to tried again so do i. I told him and he didn't give a respond. But he just reply my messege.
Time goes on.
We went to a different place now. Different school. I thought i could find something new. But then again, something always pulls me back to him. I can't forget him. I always stalking his social network. He disappear for a month, i still remember it. And when he came back, good thing started to happened.
He's on my blackberry contact. I still remember that he sends birthday greeting to me:)
Some good things happened to me. He gave me a hope. I mean, false hope. He's good to me...and to everyone. I asked about his feel, does he like me or not? And he just say "I love everyone". I'm embarrassed and feel stupid. Woouu~
My world fell apart at that day.
And the one i will never forget, that he probably had a girlfriend. I deleted him from my contact. It's not that i hated him. It's just because i want to forget him. Three weeks later, he invited me again. And till now, i don't know why (?) It make my hopes high ( how stupid?!! ) But he didn't say anything.
Suddenly, my friend would bring me with him at v-day. We didn't met because i'm sick. But i saw him from afar. It makes me regret because i pull it off.
SO MANY THINGS HAPPENED LATELY.
We did a reunion. I met him. I'm happy. I'm in love with him all over again.
We did many things at that day. I felt good when i was by his side :') I felt like i'm in the right place.
Unfortunately, it's only temporary. I know exactly about it.
I don't know whats just happened. And one of my friend became his friend too. And this is where it all ends. My friend told me he doesn't like me and love another girl. Can you imagine that? How much it kills me?
I always imagined it. But it's a reality, not just a shadow. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It’s a soul-hurt. IT'S MORE PAINFUL! I know he doesn't like me. So whats kills me it's when i know if doesn't like me, means he likes another. I don't know excactly who is her. But i know she's lucky and prettier, smarter than me. That's right because i lack everything.
==
I just hope the one he love doesn't break his heart just like he did to mine.
I'm giving up. I'm too tired. I don't know if i still love him or not. Maybe yes, maybe NO.
I thought maybe he had a hard time. He felt guilty to me. But he don't have to. He's a great person.
And somehow, i ever loved him.
Now I'm trying to let go and i'm on my way to move on.
She loves you more than herself. And you just broke her heart. You don't know how much it ruin her life.
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