When a lot becomes too much

I've been making myself busy, it's the only way to cover up the sadness I feel.
Well I used to think that if I keep myself busy, I wont end up alone in my room crying, at least..

My boyfriend tells me I overthink everything and I spend too much time thinking but I just like to ponder the world and try my best to think of ways to make my loved ones happy. I love thinking of little things to make him smile. Or if he's having a bad day I'll think all day about what I can do to cheer him up. Same goes for my family. But I do overthink. Something bad will happen and I'll continuously think about what I could have done to prevent it even if it wasn't my fault or I couldn't control it. But really I think the good outweighs the bad for me..

Secret #2

My emotions were and still to this day are unable to be explained. I remember asking each other if it was a dream because this was too good to be true. And it was.

My anxiety took over and destroyed us. I wanted us so bad.

Do you still need me?

I'm sorry that I can't do anything right. I'm sorry that everything I touch lately seems to turn to shit. I'm sorry that i'm "manalu" sometimes. I'm sorry that I keep making the choices that were never wrong before but seem to be now. I'm sorry that I keep making these little mistakes that end up being a big deal. I'm sorry that I just can't be what everyone wants me to be.

But mostly, I'm sorry that I just don't know how to fix it.

I'm tired.

So I'm sorry. I don't know what you want from me anymore.

Secret #3

I miss you!

But no, let me correct that, I miss the old you.

I remember how it used to be when nothing else matter but you and me..

And i still remember when you said how happy i made you and you really meant it. But now, it's just a phrase you say without even thinking.

I miss the old you that cared about me and the old you that would treat me so well. The old you that would talk to me every day and always have me smiling. I miss the old you that made me happy and knew what to say at any given point in time. I miss the old us.

I miss those days when you'd call just to say hi or "I love you".

The days it was so hard just to say good-bye for a while.

I miss the old you and the old me..

The old us that could just sit and talk for hours and never run out of things to say.

I just.. really miss it.

.

I don't blame you for being you. My fault.
Insecure kills me. My bad thought almost kill us.
After all this time, i learned that i need to stop looking for the right person and work on being a right person.
I will do my best, i promise.

just sayin

Isn't she just perfect? Yes, i know.
I'm far from perfect. My good isn't good enough sometimes.
I made a lot of mistake. I'm nothing. Yeah, i know.
I'm sorry i'm not perfect like she is..

DFQ

DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ DFQ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Did he give up on me?

Some people say: A men who truly loves you will never let you go, no matter how hard the situation is.

I'm hard to love, i know. I am sensitive and over-react. 
But he said he would never give up on me, never gonna leave me. And now it seems like he just giving up on me. Avoid me. He doesn't make the effort anymore :'(
I really don't know what to do. Will he keep his promises?